25 Signs You Have an Unhealthy Obsession with Poland

Being Polish is fun. For some of us it’s too much fun and we’re obsessed. It’s not our fault; it’s just the way things are. Here are 25 signs you love Poland a little too much.

1. You constantly remind people that the word “pierogi” is already plural and should not be pronounced “pierogies.”

2. You have both a Polish flag car mirror ornament and a Polska bumper sticker.
And a Polish flag key chain.

3. You observe both Fat Tuesday and Fat Thursday by eating mounds of pączki because you know you’re Polish and are special that way.

4. You buy that carbonated water stuff cause it’s big in the Motherland.

5. When the other kids drink Juicy Juice, you pull out the Tymbark carton (grape is the best).

6. You use Amol to cure everything because it cures everything.

7. You subscribe to Crazy Polish Guy (why else would you?)

8. You have visited more places in Poland than you have in your home country.

9. You follow Poland’s team fanatically in the World Cup even when they lose, in which case you are distraught for days.

10. You bring unpronounceable Polish beers to parties and feel more sophisticated as a result.

11. Homemade kompot is your refreshment of choice during the summer.

12. You jam to RMF FM at work causing your boss to question your national loyalties.

13. You understand that the Polish Winged Hussars were the coolest fighting force the world has ever seen.

14. You take every opportunity to defend Poland’s achievements and contributions to the world. Nicholas Copernicus anyone?

15. Your dream dinner consists of pierogi, łazanki, kiełbasa, gołąbki, kapusta and naleśniki. Don’t forget kołaczki for dessert.

16. You know how to pronounce all the aforementioned foods.

17. You make Poland and Polish topics a conversation starter whenever possible, especially when meeting new people.

18. You ask people if they’re Polish when they have a Polish-sounding last name then proceed to talk about how awesome Poland is.

19. You bring Prince Polo chocolate bars to work as your lunch dessert.

20. You’re always at least a little bit germaphobic because your family made you that way.

21. You can name at least three types of Polish vodka off the tip of your tongue.

22. You rave about the local Polish store without ever calling it by its actual name. It’s just the Polish store.

23. When you’re in a group of people you don’t know playing a “break the ice” game, you say you speak Polish.

24. You understand that “no” means yes (only true Poles will get this).

25. You think about Poland several times per day in multiple contexts.

Have any more? Share them in the comments!

Fun Facts: Poland vs. the U.S.

When the United States gained its independence from Great Britain on July 4^th, 1776, Poland was already more than 800 years old. There are buildings in Poland older than the 13 original U.S. colonies.

Despite being radically different ages, the two nations share much—a common heritage of democratic values and equality under the law (with exceptions like any other country) for one, and a valorous history of fighting and dying for those values for another.

At their heart, then, Poland and the U.S. have the same beat.

>> See what Poland and the U.S. share

Of course, it’s always interesting to see how other aspects of these two countries stack up against each other. Here’s some fun and interesting comparisons.

Poland vs. the U.S. Go!

The surface area of the U.S. is 3.797 million square miles. Poland’s surface area is 120,726 square miles, or about the size of the state of New Mexico (map not to scale).

The tallest building in the US is One World Trade Center in New York at 1,776 feet. Poland’s tallest building is the Palace of Culture and Science in Warsaw at 778 feet.

One World Trade Center, New York City (left); Palace of Culture & Science, Warsaw (right)

The highest mountain in the U.S is Mount Denali in Alaska, soaring 20,310 feet into the air. Poland’s tallest mountain is Mount Rysy at 8,212 feet.

Mount Denali, Alaska (left); Mount Rysy, Poland (right)

Poland’s longest river is the Vistula, which runs for 651 miles. The Missouri River, at 2,341 miles, is the longest U.S. river.

Vistula River, Poland (top); Missouri River, U.S. (bottom)

Poland’s population is 38 million, while the U.S. population is 326 million.

Poland’s capital and largest city, Warsaw, has a population of 1.7 million. Washington D.C., the U.S. capital, has a population of 693,972. The largest city in the U.S. is New York, with a population of roughly 8.1 million.

Warsaw skyline (left); New York City skyline (right)

The GDP, or total value of all goods and services in Poland is $469.5 billion (2016). The GDP of the U.S is $18.57 trillion (2016).

BUT

When it comes to debt, Poland owed 54.1% of its GDP in 2016, while the U.S. debt to GDP ratio was 105.4% as of 2017!

While 88.5% of the U.S population uses the internet, 72.4% of Poland’s population is connected to the World Wide Web.

Poland’s largest religion is Roman Catholicism, practiced by more than 90% of the population. The largest religion in the U.S. is Christianity in general, with 70% of the population claiming to adhere to the faith.

The interior of Saint Mary Basilica in Krakow, Poland

According to the United Nations’ 2017 World Happiness Report, the U.S. is the world’s 14^th happiest country. Poland is the world’s 46^th happiest country.

Statistically, Poland has 0.94 males for each female; the U.S. has 0.97 males for each female. Guys, your odds are slightly better in Poland.  >>See more

In the end, the U.S. is obviously larger than Poland in many respects. But remember that bigger doesn’t necessarily always mean better in everything. After all, something about Poland always makes me want to go back.

Remember to check me out on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/crazypolishguy/

Guest Column: 10 Things to Get a Polish Beauty for Christmas (According to a Polish Girl)

By Kasia N.

The Holidays are in full swing, and before we know it, Christmas will be here! If you are hanging out/dating/getting to know/in love with a Polish girl and find yourself in a frantic search for the perfect gift, DON’T WORRY – polishbeauty, aka me, will share with you what’s on my Christmas gift list.

Statue of Józef Piłsudski

A statue of Piłsudski reminds us of strength and your value in defense of us….and Poland. Go ahead and use Crazy Polish Guy’s Pick-Up Line when you give this to her: “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d save Poland from 123 years of Russian occupation for you.”

Jewelry

Get your girl a piece of Polish jewelry (like below). She’ll look better than a Victoria Secret angel….she’ll be your Polish Crowned Eagle

Music for her Heart

Buy your girl a Spotify subscription and surprise her with a Chopin playlist…or go old school and buy her a Chopin cassette.

Polish Reads

Invest in her mind. Get her a book for her Polish Library. I still need a copy of, “The History of Polish Literature” by Czeslaw Miłosz—one of the most useful guides to learning about the most self-expressive Polish writers and poets throughout the ages. Gifting a book will inspire the inner Polish scholar in your girl and showoff your value in reading and education.

Flowers

Buy her flowers. She’ll love you. She’ll probably also use them to make a flower crown…or you could save her some time and buy her a real crown because DUH you’re associating yourself with a Polish Queen. If you really think she’s a Polish Queen, below is a crown that Saint Jadwiga would wear.

Cell Phone Cover

A decorated cell phone cover to honor one of her loves….soccer star Robert Lewandowski. Click here and check it out!

Polish Girl Wardrobe Staples

T-Shirt of Husaria. Useful if I want to pair with my business blazers and assert a fierce, dominant attitude.

Map of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth

Polish women are leaders in their careers. I got myself involved with politics. I’m a driven woman who likes to be surrounded by #goals…#greatness and #POWER. Screw Kanye West. Your Polish girl wants a map of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth to hang in her office.

An “I Owe You” and Post-US-election-day-gift?

Have money? Were you planning on leaving the USA if Trump was elected? ….or Hillary? Make those post-election plans. Buy those airplane tickets and take that trip to Poland with your girl! #MakePolandGreatAgain

Polish Reads – Part 2

The title for most romantic love story of all time is held by exiled poet Adam Mickiewicz from his Polish homeland. Get your girl Pan Tadeusz and don’t forget to write a note inside expressing your love for her as more passionate than that of the exiled Pole.

The 5 Levels of Being Polish

There’s roughly 60 million Polish people living on the planet, and we come in all shapes and sizes. You could say there are different “levels” of being Polish. Here are those levels the way I see them.

Level 1: The Prodigal Pole

In the Bible, there’s the story about the Prodigal son, who ran away from home and wasted his wealth and talent on meaningless pleasures before finally hitting rock bottom.

Prodigal Poles are those people of Polish descent who have “run away” from their nationality. They have no interest in learning about their Polish ancestors, language or culture. Some of them might even know Polish and have gone to Polish school, but refuse to ever speak it out of shame. If given the choice between a vacation in Poland or getting wasted with strangers in Indiana, they would probably choose the latter. The only hope is that, like the prodigal son in the Bible, the prodigal Pole will see the light and come back…

Level 2: The Developing Pole

Out of all five levels of being Polish, the developing Poles deserve the most respect. They may be several generations removed from a Polish ancestor but are nevertheless heavily invested in discovering their Polish past. From researching genealogy, to trying out Babcia’s recipes, to reading Crazy Polish Guy, these Poles desire to know everything they can about Poland.

Although many of them don’t speak a word of Polish and have never visited Poland, they are, perhaps, the purest Poles due to their genuine desire to learn about their nationality. Their motivation comes from the heart, and that’s what matters most.

Level 3: The Proud Pole

Proud Poles are typically those who grew up in a strong Polish household or have developed in their knowledge of Polish culture to the point of showcasing it whenever possible. They speak Polish when they can, listen to Polish music, attend Polish events, go to Polish Mass and generally make Poland a regular part of their lives.

Proud Poles typically celebrate all major Polish traditions with their families—from Wigilia to Fat Thursday. They treat their colds with AMOL, gorge on Kołaczkis and have probably seen the movie Sami Swoi at least twice. Through their undying love for Poland, proud Poles ensure that the old ways will carry on.

Level 4: The Crazy Pole

Consumed by the Polish spirit, the crazy Pole cannot go a day without doing or saying something Polish-related. He’s a nutcase who annoys his friends by bringing Polish beer to EVERY SINGLE get-together and will ramble for hours about how the Poles saved Europe in 1683.

The crazy Pole is not satisfied to live out his Polish culture and let others be (unlike the proud Pole). He actively promotes it, disseminating information about Poland whenever possible so that others too may understand the glory of that blessed nation. He takes developing Poles under his wing and does what he can to bring prodigal Poles back into the fold. A word of caution before becoming a crazy Pole: you run the risk of people viewing you as Polish and little else. If you’re ok with that, then jump on in. The water’s fine.

Level 5: The Actual Pole

The highest level of being Polish…is actually BEING Polish. You were born in Poland and Polish is your native tongue. You don’t have to do any of the other stuff because you can just say “I was born in Poland.”

Of course, just because you were born in Poland, doesn’t mean you can’t be horrible at being Polish. Although you cannot change your blood and birthplace, you can choose to ignore it. It’s possible for an actual Pole to also be a prodigal Pole if he or she has chosen to forget where they came from—that’s probably level zero of being Polish.

I guess the highest level, then, would be a crazy Pole who was actually born in Poland. But is the world ready for that?

I Dare You To Pronounce These Polish Towns

Polish is often considered one of the most difficult languages for English speakers to learn. Its convoluted combinations of the letters “s,” “c” and “z” and addition of unfamiliar letters like “ł” or “ń” make you want to drink several shots of vodka while smashing your face into a plate of pierogi.

If you’ve ever visited Poland, you might have found it difficult to explain where you went for the sheer fact that you couldn’t even pronounce the town name! “Warsaw” is easy enough to say, but some Polish towns were created to murder your tongue and vocal cords.

Below is a list of what I think are the top 10 hardest Polish towns to pronounce. Are you up to the challenge?

10. Szczecin:

Szczecin is Poland’s seventh-largest city, located in the northwestern part of the country near the Baltic Sea. It’s one of Poland’s major seaports and has a population of roughly 400,000. Szczecin is the highest-profile Polish town on this list, but it’s much easier to pronounce than what’s to come.

Szczecin, Poland’s seventh-largest city, and tenth most difficult town to pronounce.

9. Rdziostów:

Located in southern Poland, Rdziostów has a population of only 431, and those people are the only ones who can pronounce its name properly.

Rdziostów

8. Siemianowice Śląskie:

This is a town also located in southern Poland.  It’s not far from the major city of Katowice and was once a blue-collar industrial town. I hear there’s a brewery here. Gee, I hope so, for the sake of those who have to pronounce this town on a regular basis.

Siemianowice Śląskie

7. Czechowice-Dziedzice:

Uh-oh, we have a hyphen in this town-name, and that’s never good. It even rhymes if you pronounce it correctly. This town serves as a major railroad junction between four major lines heading in all directions  and lies in southwestern Poland.

Czechowice-Dziedzice

6. Pszczyna:

Located in southern Poland, Pszczyna is known for its beautiful Renaissance castle and other interesting historical sites. Unfortunately, nobody can figure out how this town got its name, with various scholars debating it to this day. You know the name is convoluted when even the Poles can’t figure out its origin.

The Renaissance castle in Pszczyna.

5. Dzierżoniów:

Ok, I don’t know the deal with south/southwestern Poland, but here is yet another town that has a ridiculous pronunciation down there. Dzierżoniów is named after Jan Dzierżon, who was a Polish priest, scientist and human tongue twister.

Dzierżoniów

 

4. Kędzierzyn-Koźle:

Another hyphenated town name! Yay! This was once two separate towns—Kożle and Kędzierzyn, until they decided their names were not complicated enough and combined in 1975. It’s located in southwestern Poland.

Kędzierzyn-Koźle

 3. Ejszeryszki:

This village name looks like the alphabet vomited. It’s located far in northeastern Poland, right on the Lithuanian border. Ejszeryszki is part of Rutka-Tartak county. I know, it sounds like it’s from Star Trek or something.

Ejszeryszki

 2. Łęczeszyce:

Łęczeszyce is a town near Warsaw in central Poland. All this place is known for is its centuries-old monastary. The monks inside are said to spend hours meditating on how to pronounce the name of the town they live in.

The monastary in Łęczeszyce

1. Wytrzyszczka:

And number one….Wytrzyszka. I had the experience of driving through this southern Polish village a few months ago with my cousin and his dad, who decided to put my Polish skills to the test, daring me to read this town name as the car breezed past the welcome sign. I survived this masochistic game, but barely…let’s see how you do.

The breathtaking Tropsztyn castle neat Wytrzyszczka.

Look at any map of Poland, and you’re bound to find more Polish towns that are spelled to kill. Do you have anything to add to this list? Comment below!